The transition back to school can be stressful for everyone in the home—kids as well as parents and caregivers. By nature human beings struggle with transitions, even those that happen year after year. You can expect some mood swings and general chaos until things settle back into routine…and until then, here are some tips to ease the stress.

Acknowledge the possibility of many conflicting feelings. Kids of all ages can experience a wide variety of emotions, from day to day and even minute to minute. These can range from excitement (getting to see their friends, meeting new teachers, being another year older) to nervousness (worrying about making friends, fitting in, getting used to a different setting) to sadness (saying goodbye to the freedom of the summer).  Work on helping your child to verbalize these feelings and remind them that it is normal to have many different ones.

Re-establish rules, guidelines, and schedules in advance. This is especially important for pre-teens and teenagers. Use the last days of summer and quiet time to talk about what will happen when the school routine returns. Doing this before the chaos of the school year begins will ease the transition and limit attempts at negotiation. Choose the time and place where homework will be completed. Remind your kids about what chores and tasks are their responsibility—write it up and post it if necessary.

Take some time at the end of the day to review the day with your child. This can be during dinner, during a quiet time after school, or at bedtime. Have them mention any accomplishments that made them proud, any interactions that made them happy, any moments that made them afraid. Talk about their hopes and expectations for the next day.

Give kids “reminders” of home to take with them to school. This is especially helpful for younger kids who may be starting a new school. Many schools ask for pictures for cubbies, etc. so that kids can feel more at home in their classroom. If it’s not a physical object, remind kids that if they feel nervous at school, they can always close their eyes and think about something special—a favorite stuffed animal, a beloved relative, a fun trip or experience from the summer. This allows them to reconnect to something familiar and can ease anxiety in a new situation.

Make a game plan for any concerns from the previous year. If you are anticipating continuing drama from a friendship, struggles in certain subjects, or resistance to doing homework, make a committed and specific action plan before the year begins. Talk through different ways of managing conflicts with friends, look into tutors or extra academic help, and create a structured environment for completing homework.

Don't forget to manage your own anxiety. Our own anticipation as parents often affects our mood which in turn influences the emotions of our kids. Make sure to check in with yourself. If it’s your child’s first time at a new school, what are some of your fears? What successes and obstacles do you anticipate for them? What are some major milestones of your child’s upcoming year (multiplication tables, state testing, applying to college)? Talk these through with a partner or friend and make sure to put aside a few minutes every day for self-care.